3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
