They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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