Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
