According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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