Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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