i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
