If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
