I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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