My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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