they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
