I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
