I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
