I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
