He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
