he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
