i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
