There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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