if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
