Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
