i jhust puked up my retainher.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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