a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
