I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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