she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
