In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
