im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
