I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
