I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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