Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Mom said you looked used
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
