Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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