Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
