they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
