It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
