nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
