I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
