i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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