i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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