dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
