Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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