Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
