I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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