I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
