did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
