We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
