Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
well you can't waste a boner
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
