Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
