How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
