k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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