Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
