She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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