their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
